Downtime

Recent Posts

  • Vote Leave’s early bath

    Ryan Priest 20 Mar 2019
  • Vote Leave’s band of zip-wiring cowboy builders has been handed another fine: this time for sending out nearly 200,000 unsolicited texts to the poor sods who entered their contest to win £50m if ...

  • Predicting Senturion’s magnificent seven

    Ryan Priest 14 Mar 2019
  • Luxury wrist-worn supercar key manufacturer Senturion has revealed it will release seven limited edition £211,550 pieces, fashioned from some asteroid, later this year. But who’ll get them? They ...

  • Never mind the bullocks, here’s the 5G cows

    Ryan Priest 06 Mar 2019
  • Government-funded agricultural project 5G RuralFirst has made an app that allows you to track the daily activities of a cow of your choice, live from its home on a connected farm. Opportunities to ...

  • HyperTikTokisation

    Ryan Priest 27 Feb 2019
  • Try as we might to steer clear of the nutty content made on short-form video app TikTok, it seems to be seeping further into public consciousness by the day, and it’s now becoming a valuable ...

  • Richard Madeley vs the internet

    Ryan Priest 21 Feb 2019
  • Nothing even vaguely amusing has happened in the world of technology this week, cutting off the lifeblood of this blog at its source. We watched on as MPs announced their newfound independence and ...

  • The package no one ordered

    Ryan Priest 13 Feb 2019
  • Tech gossip doesn’t get steamier than the richest person in the world, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, being blackmailed with his own dick pics by The National Enquirer. But why would he mind who has to ...

  • Baddiel and Jones unedited

    Ryan Priest 07 Feb 2019
  • For years now, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has been hounded to add a feature that allows users to amend their typo-laden tweets, but do we really need more ways to take the platform so seriously? Take ...

  • Top banter for top bottoms

    Ryan Priest 31 Jan 2019
  • Gay dating app Scruff has had to ban pictures of users in their underwear because Google Play kept suspending it. This is welcome news for those of us who eat pizza every single day and can’t be ...

  • Of Dyson men

    Ryan Priest 23 Jan 2019
  • There’s no getting around the fact James Dyson has revolutionised pub bogs up and down the country with his hand dryers. Rumours they store up and shoot out poo particles everywhere aside, the ...

  • Let’s take back control, unless we have to get up

    Ryan Priest 16 Jan 2019
  • Mobile phone recycling comparison site Recyclezone has put together the findings of a survey that asked which household tasks Brits were most keen to palm off on smart technology, and you don’t ...

  • New CISO is dead serious about security

    Cliff Saran - Managing Editor 15 Jan 2019
  • Our new CISO has just issued a warning across the company. He's going to blame staff for any blunders. And he's going to make sure they NEVER do it again...

  • No way, Osé

    Ryan Priest 09 Jan 2019
  • This year’s CES organisers have succeeded in preserving every male tech nerd stereotype by crumbling over a small reminder that real vaginas exist. The Osé personal massager’s upcoming innovation ...

  • Cliff’s law

    Ryan Priest 03 Jan 2019
  • A new year begins, and the search continues for whoever was behind the Gatwick drones fiasco that grounded hundreds of flights over the Christmas period. Our first port of call would be Chris ...

  • Mission: Interpolation

    Ryan Priest 05 Dec 2018
  • Tom Cruise has posted a video alongside Mission: Impossible – Fallout director Christopher McQuarrie, encouraging fans to adjust their television settings to improve their viewing experience of the ...

  • Formula 1’s favourite IT boy

    Ryan Priest 29 Nov 2018
  • Lewis Hamilton has used his appearance at an HPE Discover event in Madrid to step out of his little car and take an unexpected walk down memory lane, regaling the tech crowd with tales from his ...