Downtime

Recent Posts

  • A dopey Photoshop

    Ryan Priest 11 Nov 2020
  • We’re not ashamed to admit we don’t understand how the graphic tweeted by Boris Johnson to congratulate president-elect Joe Biden came to faintly display “Trump” in the background. Downing Street’s ...

  • Welcome to the A. List

    Ryan Priest 29 Oct 2020
  • We recently noticed a feature on the BBC’s website titled The man who taught Uber how to say sorry. After a frantic scan of the article, we learned the name of this man, and can therefore sadly ...

  • Chatting Schmidt

    Ryan Priest 22 Oct 2020
  • Former Google CEO Eric Schmidt spends his webcam chat for the Wall Street Journal Tech Live event insisting we should all be grateful to the tech giants, despite the fact they’ve become, by his own ...

  • The codecracker suite

    Ryan Priest 14 Oct 2020
  • It was the summer of 2017, and a stock photo taken in Girona two years earlier was about to go global. That same summer, an Atlanta photographer walked through the doors of a dance studio to help ...

  • QiuiAnon

    Ryan Priest 07 Oct 2020
  • A smart chastity cage that can only be controlled via its app was vulnerable to hackers putting almost 40,000 penises on lockdown, research has revealed. Sex toy manufacturer Qiui muses on its ...

  • Bald misrepresentations

    Ryan Priest 01 Oct 2020
  • A report has exposed Amazon’s robotic workforce for increasing the warehouse injury rate of its human peers. The Center for Investigative Reporting says the data it obtained lays bare “a mounting ...

  • Bush chucker challenge

    Ryan Priest 23 Sep 2020
  • A crack squad of Openreach engineers dispatched to investigate a Welsh village’s long-running broadband mystery has managed to pinpoint the unwitting culprits. “One morning during lockdown, we ...

  • You flotsam, you jetsam

    Ryan Priest 16 Sep 2020
  • The UK Space Agency has chosen seven firms to award with funding in the interest of tracking all the crap we’ve left in the sky. You might be reading this on the back of watching Climate Change – ...

  • Amstrop

    Ryan Priest 11 Sep 2020
  • The reality of our planet living through a pandemic has seen office culture successfully adapt to home working, but as businesses start building towards their employees’ safe return, one impatient ...

  • Project Gertrude

    Ryan Priest 02 Sep 2020
  • As a pig called Gertrude demonstrated Neuralink’s brain implant technology – spiking in mental activity whenever she thought about food before toiling on a treadmill for an inconsequential period ...

  • For your iPod only

    Ryan Priest 20 Aug 2020
  • Former iPod engineer David Shayer has revealed Apple worked on a “top secret” project to create a “special” version of the device for the US government in 2005. Shayer claimed only he and three ...

  • Niall Ferguson is inane

    Ryan Priest 13 Aug 2020
  • Historian Niall Ferguson’s article about TikTok claims the app plays a pivotal role in China’s imperial ambitions, an argument rendered instantly moot by his declaration that he, like us, doesn’t ...

  • Like a chief in broad daylight

    Ryan Priest 05 Aug 2020
  • The CEOs of Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Google have all spoken to US Congress in a joint video call to face some stern questions, one of which being: “Do you believe that the Chinese government ...

  • Goats on Zoom

    Ryan Priest 29 Jul 2020
  • Lancashire’s Cronkshaw Fold Farm is pimping out its portfolio of goats for video-conference appearances to fund its investment in renewable technology. That’s right, at just a fiver a pop, remote ...

  • The secret managing director

    Ryan Priest 23 Jul 2020
  • The managing director of a Premier League side almost cost their club £1m when their email address was hacked during a transfer negotiation – but who could it be? Our first guess was Richard Arnold ...