The package no one ordered

Tech gossip doesn’t get steamier than the richest person in the world, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, being blackmailed with his own dick pics by The National Enquirer.

But why would he mind who has to look at his Prime member? It seems like a natural next step on this steaming rock of dystopian inequality for the billionaires to start windmilling in everyone else’s faces, laughing hysterically as we wince and turn away.

It’s hardly going to be plastered everywhere even if it did get out, is it? Far hotter celebrities have been exposed in this way before, and even those photos feel pretty niche and tucked away.

Save for some excitable pub chat between the sorts who are into googling that kind of thing for a laugh, even the most compromising images of Bezos will fail to pique the curiosity of most. And the jokers in the pub will only be looking once – it’s not as if they’ll be returning to it every Friday as some new weekly item.

Is Bezos, then, really that brave to be standing up to these extortionists? Maybe it’s different in the US, but the last time someone appeared stark naked on daytime telly in the UK was just yesterday, and it was met with a collective eye roll. So show us the lot, Jeff. We’ll only judge you if you hold back on those sweet Valentine’s Day deals – and that one’s not a threat, it’s a promise.