Taste the deference

Sainsbury’s is trialling its first ever till-free supermarket, entrusting us with the task of scanning our own items via our smartphones.

This comes as good news for those of us who feel the self-scan checkout option doesn’t quite cut it – an especially understandable position to hold for Co-op shoppers, all too used to the sound of that dull thud of the machine telling you it doesn’t know how to weigh approximately half of the objects in the shop.

Do we call for an assistant? Yelling for one feels weird and entitled considering they’re busy serving another customer. No, we stand and wait, holding everyone up whilst indignantly picking the cheese twist up and putting it back down again, wishing we’d chosen Tesco, where the scales work a bit better but staff are extremely suspicious over the legality of every 10p bag acquisition.

It’s not good enough. Sainsbury’s produces embarrassingly superior cheese twists as it is. No longer can the likes of Co-op and Tesco just rely on customers avoiding a competitor based on its long-term association with noted irritant Jamie Oliver.

Enough is enough. We’ll overlook all our former principles to saunter through the self-scanning utopia of Clapham North Sainsbury’s Local. It’s the least we expect in 2018, yet its rivals can barely master the art of baking viennoiseries fit for ducks.