Predicting Senturion’s magnificent seven

Luxury wrist-worn supercar key manufacturer Senturion has revealed it will release seven limited edition £211,550 pieces, fashioned from some asteroid, later this year. But who’ll get them?

They remind us a bit of a Power Rangers watch – not aesthetically dissimilar – we pestered our parents to buy us back in the ‘90s. The overbearing mechanical design was kind of cool and gadgety, but the novelty wore off after about a week of feeling tediously lopsided and it was discarded as impractical tat. These Senturion keys are for those of us who, in the face of all taste and logic, never stopped thinking their Power Rangers watch was fantastic.

The strange thing is these simple sorts often manage to assume a wealth to afford these gizmos, hosting, say, a high-paid TV show about cars before smacking a producer in the face and in turn being given a higher-paid TV show about cars, and so on.

They hang out in the White House together, sharing their Power Rangers watch-type ideas. They gormlessly berate agreeable things like vegan sausage rolls and progressive Gillette adverts for a fee. Some just crow about flame throwers on very long podcasts.

So that’s Jeremy Clarkson, Donald Trump, Kanye West, Piers Morgan, Joe Rogan and Elon Musk down for these. Daniel Sturridge probably has the last one pre-ordered. Case closed.